Rock Bottom

Perhaps hitting rock bottom is a Spiritual accomplishment.

When you've hit Rock Bottom, does this mean you’ve reached the depths of your own soul?

I was speaking with a friend about what it means to hit rock bottom - and what it doesn’t mean. Rock bottom is a term often used in recovery circles, and as a sober person of three years who’s not in a formal recovery group, I used to equate rock bottom with I’ve seen in tv or movies. Jack from A Star is Born pees himself on the stage of the Grammy Awards. Sandra Bullock’s character in 28 Days ruins her sister’s wedding, and doesn’t remember it. We see it time and time again - rock bottom means losing everything, usually with a large dose of public humiliation and maybe a night or two in jail.

That wasn’t my story. My rock bottom was a gateway to a personal “Dark Night of the Soul” - a journey I am still on, and a place I am still discovering. At my bottom, I kept my job, my reputation, my friendships, and my faith. I lost some things, too. The things I needed to lose but couldn’t let go of.

The origin of rock bottom means hitting a bedrock while digging, and not being able to dig any further. What’s interesting about this concept as it relates to hitting that low point in your life is the idea that you’ve gone as deep as you can go. Does this mean that once you’ve hit your personal rock bottom, you’ve reached the depths of your own soul? We’re taught that if we do hit that low point, the only way out is to start clawing our way back up. As I reflected on my process of getting sober and trekking through the wilds of my own dark night of the soul, I wondered if hitting rock bottom could be considered a spiritual accomplishment, or, at minimum, a milestone? I mean, if I have a rock bottom - a bedrock - shouldn’t I at least know where it is?

For me, reaching the bedrock of my own life gave me a more detailed map of myself. I had to be shown where my bottom is, how to traverse the road that led me there, and ultimately how to find the many the paths that can lead me through it if I find myself here again.

Our societal norms tell us that rock bottom is no place you want to go. If you’re there, you’ve gone too far. It’s often too difficult to find your way out of that dark place, right? It’s easy to get lost here - it being so dark and scary, and Oscar worthy. So we avoid it, deny it, and often won’t admit it’s even there.

The Dark Night of the Soul is the journey that takes of from our rock bottom back to the surface, where the light can be more easily seen. As I made my way through my personal dark night, I visualized a large stone hitting the bottom of the ocean flood. It descends as deep as it can go, to the darkest, coldest place it can possibly reach. Once it arrives on the cool, sandy floor, it sits motionless. Grounded. Unmoved. Unwavering. It surrenders as it finds its peace at the bottom. My work, in many ways, is about surrendering at our own personal bottom.

As I made my way through my personal dark night, I visualized a large stone hitting the bottom of the ocean floor. It descends as deep as it can go, to the darkest, coldest place it can possibly reach. Once it arrives on the cool, sandy floor, it sits motionless. Grounded. Unmoved. Unwavering.

As the Dark Night of the Soul takes us through the many caves and caverns at our rock bottom, we learn much needed truths about ourselves; truths that otherwise stay hidden beneath our often too sunny and affable exteriors - especially us women. We are too often expected to show only our most agreeable, polished, and shiny selves. Rock bottom for women is not an acceptable stop here on Earth School. Perhaps that’s because within rock bottom lives the skills of a warrior, the the gifts of an intuitive, and the healing powers of mystics. I can see, now, why women are not encouraged by society to take a dark night of the soul journey through their very own bedrock. After all, what would the world look like if all women were in-tune with our healing, intuitive, warrior natures? That would be the beginning of the end of the patriarchy.

Addicts tend to be empaths, or highly sensitive people. If you are one, or have loved one, this comes as no surprise to you. Our addiction habits come from some need to explore our rock bottom. As addicts, we have deep, exploratory natures. If something is within us, we have a desire to “go there.” Our natural inclination wants to be like the ocean rock; to hit that low, grounded point and say, “Yes. I’ve been there. I’ve seen it. It’s as much a part of me as all the other places in my life. I don’t think I’d like to stay here, but I feel more complete - more myself - knowing where my rock bottom is.”

Rarely do we talk about the gift of the addict. But exploring the inner workings of the self is a gift. I don’t know a friend or love one who struggles with addiction who also doesn’t attempt to answer life’s big questions. There are also empaths and highly sensitive people who don’t struggle with addiction (God bless you, you miraculous creatures). If you’re one of these people, I imagine you may have hit your rock bottom in your own way.

I hope the addicts, empaths, highly sensitive people, and those who love them find comfort and comradery in this story - of being like the rock on the ocean floor, and deciding not to stay there - but feeling gratitude and a sense of accomplishment for having gone that deep.

#rockbottom #deeperstill #darknightofthesoul